to greater heights?

I wonder...

Today, my senior just left the firm. And naturally, all things are passed down to me. I know it's tentative, or perhaps, I'm just hoping. I know this might be a good exposure for me and thus an opportunity for me to see and experience audit. But all things seem to come together, I feel like a dart board. Since friday, senior started telling me what I have to do when she leaves. Everything was fine until today, when she really is leaving. I see myself entering into a state of astoundment, and in other words, "information overload". I should blame myself for not getting prepared. I should know this is coming. However, the grouchy part of me couldnt help thinking why my senior has to leave at this moment, in the middle of the peak period, halfway through an engagement. Bringing myself back to reality, I gather that everyone ultimately has to go through this. It's just a matter of time.

Looking on the brighter side, I should embrace this opportunity. I'm also happy for her that she is entering into a new stage of her career. This industry is not for one to stay long.

Apparently, something is bothering me: My attitude, character and competency. 2 weeks of genuine audit (or rather, 4 weeks) had been a journey of self-discovery. I realised how inept I'm in handling tasks and communicating with clients such that whatever I do reflects clearly my amateurish status. I procrastinate alot in terms of approaching clients or performing tasks assigned to me. As a matter of fact, I(my lazy brain) developed a habit of taking short cuts by asking my seniors stupid questions when these enquires can be easily derived on my own. I generally take a very long time to process things I have done and remember it deep. Worst of all, I have a problem with my memory. I tend to forget things and only recall when it is too late. Sometimes, I wonder if things that were mentioned to me got lost on its way to my tympanic membrane or am I getting too old to recall what I have done and what needs to be done.

On a very last note of my self-reflection and appraisal, I should seriously spare some thoughts in altering my lackadiasical behaviour, especially when such behaviour is not appreciated in the audit industry.