There have been many arguements lately. Too many to count.. These had probably made both of us very upset and that further aggravate our current situation. This is particularly applicable to me, as I became more sensitive to even the little little things that happened. I had been thinking alot about our relationship too! I know part of the arguements had been my fault but I wouldnt say they were all my fault. I understand that you had been very tolerant with me and I agree that we have diverse point of views as well as different ways of doing things. Yet, with all these differences, we had come thus far. I'm really glad.. One very thing that I regret is not leaving a very positive impression of myself at the beginning of our relationship. Subsequently, you tend to relate what I say, what I do, to what we argued in the past. But I came to realised that even if I could turn back time, things wouldnt change much too. If we were to stand in a straight line, we could end up at the extreme ends, in terms of our thoughts and behaviour. Throughout these few years, I believe it was our compromise (probably most of yours) that bridged our gaps. I appreciate it alot. But once in a while, I would appreciate more if you can also look back and appreciate what I had done for you.
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Our differences may had brought us many unhappy arguements. Nevertheless, it had also made me like you more. Maybe because you have the traits that I think I would never have.. I always look upon you as a well-mannered person, very self-motivated, very organised. You seem to know alot of things, directions, general knowledge that I am too ignorant to find out.. I like your family background, very organised family structure unlike mine.. These are also the reason why I slowly learn to depend on you.. Because of you, I start to see myself changing to the person I thought it was impossible for me to be. Being with you makes me feel comfortable. I never have to hide any of my feelings. I can tell you everything and never feel weird about it. I can be myself!! But I see it developing into one of our problems too.. Perhaps, it has never come across your mind the reason why I always try to ask you questions you deem to be stupid. They were the things you would never mention to me, things I would love to hear directly from you, not through many wild guesses from your actions. Until now, I never really know why I appeal to you.. What makes me different from the other girls on the street. Your answers had been vague. Or maybe there's nothing in me that brings you good memory..
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Perhaps due to our differences, this relationship requires alot of effort.. And you recently bring to my attention that you had been struggling to understand me. I guess I tell you too much - everything that comes to my mind, and all the things I said eventually confused you. I tried to hide a little, and it makes the situation worse.. Since I was back from Germany (maybe way before I went abroad), I start to see a loss in passion and it worries me that we might fall apart somehow. We had each other's company for more than two and a half years, it seems natural that things become a routine. But what keeps a relationship going is the passion we share. I do not know how to continue if I don't see it coming from you. That is why I had been so upset lately. You said things will improve, especially after our Bintan trip, and I certainly hope so..
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As we move on, I start to see what lies ahead as challenges and not obstacles. I cherish our relationship alot and I hope to see it grow strong. But all these would not happen without your support. I typed all these to let you know where I stand and what I hope to achieve together with you. I guess I would never have the courage to say all these to you in person. But I thought it could help you understand me better.. and I really hope it helps. I look forward to the Bintan trip as I do not see it as another routine with you..
